Life in General

Dear Internet People that read this thing......

I have been told that I need to write in here more, that I don't keep this up-todate enough for some people and other well just won't talk to me unless I write something in here. So I thought I would tell you all about my first 3.5 months at home. How things have changed, how things are the same and my new view on life as I stand here at 2:30 am working the midnight shift on a friday night.

Well lets start at the beginning everyone that reads this knows that I spent 16 months in China. Sometimes I can't believe it. It seems like a dream. Did I really go there? Did I really ask a BEAUTIFUL woman to marry me and Did she really actually say yes???? It is hard for me to believe. I don't know why but it all just doesn't seem like it is all really happening. But then I turn on my laptop with the the Chinese Characters on it. And look at the desktop and there is a picture of a girl that is so beautiful it makes me shiver. You know that tingley feeling you get when someone puts their cold hands on your back. That is how Donicia makes me feel. Man I miss that girl. Don't worry only like 25.5 months left....lol... Now that seems like a long time.

When I first got back it was awesome to see all my old friends and my favourite band play. Somethings never change, they remembered me and we talked it was nice to reconnect like that. Seeing all my old friends at the bar was good and bad. The good would be I missed them a little and the bad, is that we have all moved on from the past, we have changed a lot and it just doesn't seem like we are the close anymore, we seem distant, we are all just moving forward. I think when I got back, my frame of mind was still 2004. But don't you always remember things like they were. I remember my Great Aunt Rene, she passed away while I was gone, she was an amazing lady. But it didn't sink in that she was gone until Easter and she wasn't there. Sometimes things catch up with you and you don't realize what you life has become.

I always say that people don't realize the impact that they have on others. I know that I don't really realize it. Maybe I am the worse for this. But over the past 3 months people I met years ago have comeback into my life too say thanks, too catch up, and they mention something I said or did, or the way I made them laugh. And all I can do is Smile and knod. It is that I am no greatful for their thanks, it is just that I don't think of things as big deals. I just try to do my part you know??? I don't see why when you are nice to people everyone feels the need to say thanks. Maybe it is because, people in general aren't nice to eachother. It is not that people go around being mean, it is more of everyone just being indifferent, just not caring....yes I think that is what it is.

I had this discussion with my brother in law about my family, see everyone in my family have or are going to have jobs where we have a profound impact on peoples lives. My mother has been a Special Education Teacher for 30 years, my father as Supply Teacher for 20 years and he stayed home to raise my little sister and I. My older sister has been working with Brain injury patients and is going to teachers college next year. She rather work for less money being a teacherand my little sister is going to be a teacher.  A special education teacher like my mom. And of course there is me....well I am going to school in the fall so I can be a social worker maybe with Childrens Aid and maybe not, we'll see when I get there. I think that it is pretty incredible, all the people in one family basically dedicating their lives to helping others.

Anyways back to the blog.... I got a job doing door to door when I first got back here. The money would have been great, but I was horrible at it. I just don't care whether or not you sign up for a price protection plan on your fucking hyrdo or not. It realyys makes no difference to me or not....lol... What Can I say I am not a businessman and that is what my boss told me. And then I quit.

I now have an engaging job at a Sunoco Gas station. I work days during the week and nights on the weekend. I have always had this thing about people that work at gas stations. I could never figure out why the hell people work there year after year when they could accomplish so much more with their lives. And I think That I have found the solution. This is the easiest, stress free job. The pay is brutal. But my co-workers don't care. It is like they are caught in some sort of cycle. Living pay check to pay check. I see the potential in some of these people but the just don't care. It is like being surrounded by a bunch of people who have just given up on life. That is not to say they aren't a riot and I am making a couple of good friends that I am going to miss. I know that they have had an impact on my life, maybe for the better and most likely for the better.

In the fall I will be on the move again to Peterborough, where I will be going to school. I can't wait there is a lot of pressure to do well, but I know that this time things will be good and I will succeed. You see I have a secret weapon this time a 4'10 brown girl in my corner who believes that I can do anything. I can't wait till you come here babe.

Well I guess that is all for now... I will post part two tomorrow night..

Please Go To My New Blog For Life In Canada...THE NEW FRONTIER.

http://360.yahoo.com/seannancekivell

I am starting a new blog for my woman....

I will post the link to my new blog on yahoo 360 later.....

I'll still post here once and a while...i love Xanga.

 http://profiles.yahoo.com/seannancekivell

So a lot has happened since my last post I hardly know where to start. Wait!!! Yes i do know where to start. Let me start with a letter to my Fiancee...

Dear Donicia,
Where do I begin??? Where do I start and how do I say how much you mean to me? I don't think that I have the words to describe what you mean to me. How you have effected my life and how I have gotten my life in order.
Truly believe that without you behind me, cheering me on and believing in me one hundred percent that I never would have been brave enough to come back home and go to school.
You are the one that looked me in the eyes and told me that I deserved more in life. That I deserved the hottest girl in the bar (you) and the best job.
People ask me all the time how I know that you are the one, and I say, She is from an Island, and I am from the the great white north. We both me at the top of an elevator in the Gobi Desert.
We didn't just meet by accident it was meant to be. It is sort like we just Collided????

Collide Lyrics
by Howie Day
The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you
Yeah

I'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide

I'm quiet you know
You make a frist impression
I've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
I somehow find
You and I collide

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to ryhme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find
You and I collide

You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide.

My favourite memories of us are just sitting on the couch watching a DVD, you on the right, me on the left.
And we both know it is 9 pm. We look at each other in the eyes and press play.
I think that I miss you the most is in the morning when I am kicking your ass in a pillow fight.
Happy Valentines Day and this last song is for you…

You And Me Lyrics
by Lifehouse

What day is it?  And in what month?
This clock never seemed so alive
I can't keep up and I can't back down
I've been losing so much time

Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you

All of the things that I want to say just aren't coming out right
I'm tripping on words
You've got my head spinning
I don't know where to go from here

Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you

There's something about you now
I can't quite figure out
Everything she does is beautiful
Everything she does is right

Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you
and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you

What day is it?
And in what month?
This clock never seemed so alive

I am not going to count the days we are apart but the days, till we are together. You are my heart and my soul.

Love

Sean